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By Graham D. Rowles

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N. The life review: An interpretation of reminiscence in the aged. In B. L. ), Middle age and aging. Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 1968. Butler, R. N. Personal communication, 1973. Subsequently published in R. N. Butler & M. I. Lewis. ). St Louis: C. V. Mosby, 1977. Butler, R. N. Why survive? Being old in America. New York: Harper & Row, 1975. 38 Nancy Datan Datan, N. Leland: A love story. International Journal of Aging and Human Development, 1975, 6, 2 8 3 - 2 9 1 . Datan, N. Coming undone.

For years I thought this was a brilliant piece of research for the wrong reasons; I thought Butler had found a way to overcome the age segregation of American society. More recently I have concluded that what he accomplished was even more remarkable, though less original: He rediscovered the natural strengths of the extended family. Having been led to his concern for the old through his love for the grandfather who raised him (Butler, 1975), Robert Butler would appreciate the fact that my son made a very similar discovery.

Applying these findings to our own dilemma, then, it seems that the social psychology of proximity brought Leland and me together; developmental phenomenology, as I shall suggest, keeps us apart For I am talking about a tie that is stronger than friendship: I am talking about love. Love has withstood the mile between myself and Leland, but, with the loss of a "shared living space," to borrow a phrase from Nahemow and Lawton (1975), the daily contact on which our friendship thrived has not In order to show how a mile can mean so much, I shall go beyond the social psychological model of Nahemow and Lawton and consider the developmental phenomenology of the life cycle, in order to suggest that the lack of synchrony in the developmental phénoménologies of middleand old-age distances each from the other—at the expense of both.

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